I haven't signed in to use Xanga in such a long time that a) I forgot my Log in and b) I forgot my password, temporarily.  I feel like a REAL human being again.  So long have I had the stupid Step 2's looming over my head.  It's weird to not feel this invisible pressure anymore.  Granted, I need to finish my residency apps, but that task seems so manageable and easy compared to my step2s.  I don't know why I hyped it up so much in my brain, but I did and now I'm glad it's over.  Between today and my last post, I celebrated by bday, celebrated my mom's and lorraine's bday and also went to Maui.  I wish I were still in Maui.  If I had the balls, I'd apply for residency in hawaii.  There's something about the place that calms me.  It's beautiful and life is not as hectic.  We talked about road rage today during our bible study at church.. geez.  I've encountered a lot of ridiculously impatient drivers these last couple of days.  Everyone is in such a hurry and unwilling to wait or slow down.  Anyhow, "real human being" goals for the next couple of weeks:

1) Finish ERAS

2) Wash my car, inside and out

3) Clean my room, vaccum, dust, and throw out all the piles of magazines and useless handouts I have accumulated ** this one is key; the less crap I have the better

4) Cook some real food in the kitchen

5) Exercise at LA Fitness

6) Release whatever pent up stress and tension that I may have still retained from post-step 2 mania

7) Maintain proper hygiene and dress; now that my ridiculous mosquito bites have gone away, I no longer have to wander around in only scrubs... although they are comfy

8) Oh yeah, go to Radiology ...

I was told by one attending that I'm another attending's "new favorite" today ....  ... i'm flattered, really, but i find the concept strange.

I wish I had pictures to go along with my narrative... Hope everyone had a great July 4th.  July 4th was packed yesterday for me and Brian, we ran the gammit of BBQs.  First we went to my friend, Rafi's, BBQ where we feasted on Indian food inspired BBQ, fruit salad, strawberry shortcake, fresh salads and good company.  It was funny watching all the guys get all excited when brian recounted the Transformers movie... shows you that underneath their hard exterior lie little boys envisioning "autobots and deceptatrons"... apologies if I spelled that wrong.  Then we drove down to Torrance where to went to Brian's friends' BBQ in a backyard with a large empty swimming pool, and listened to them recount stories about how one of them got kicked in the head by another friend and had to get sent to the Harbor-UCLA ER.

I ended the evening by setting off fireworks.. not the little sparklers... but the one's that put off big fountains of sparkling light.  I couldn't help scream and run away everytime my firework was starting to ignite.  I'd never played with such big fireworks before.  It was a great ending to a great 4th of July.

I did a paracentesis today!   It began with me running around the hospital tracking down a non-existant paracentesis kit.  We just ended up using a thoracocentesis kit.  It basically consisted of me sitting in a chair for 20 minutes with a needle stuck in my patient's belly while draining the ascitic fluid into vacuum jars.  It was really odd, watching his belly get smaller and smaller, kinda like draining a water balloon for lack of a better analogy.  And that wasn't even the highlight of my day!!  The highlight came from his neighbor in the next bed... basically this really nice filipino lady that I followed on medicine for lung cancer, who basically inspired me to pursue heme/onc. I didn't even see her at first.. until she said.. "hi Nancy.."  I was so happy to see her doing so well.  I was surprised she still remembered me after 2 months, but I suppose having me harrass her every morning for 3 straight weeks is enough time to burn my face into her memory.  To be honest, I was really hoping to run into her during my 4 weeks on med oncology.   What a great way to end a rather long day.

I'm following 5 patients right now.. I have no idea how I'm gonna follow 15 when I'm an intern... I need to come up with a contingency plan... or rather, an efficiency plan.

Tomorrow starts my 4th and final week of Med Onc.. It'll be weird cause all the residents, attending, and fellows will be new.  I hate ending a service with new ppl, it's not as comforting.  Hopefully this next week will be rather chill, considering 2 out of 3 of our clinics are cancelled and there's the july 4th holiday.  As much as I love Onc, I'm hoping to have some extra time to get in some boards studying.  Getting out at 6:30 - 7:30 PM is not conducive to getting work done in the evenings.

My skin is so itchy right now.  I don't know if its cause of the weather, soap, razors.. grr.. but scratching feels good, I hope i don't scratch myself a scar though.

I got my ERAS token the other day... I was staring at the e-mail like it was mocking me. What the heck am I gonna do with it?? I don't think I'm gonna be able to work on it til after my boards... at least I'll be able to use it to print out my cover sheet for a letter of rec.  I haven't even written my personal statement yet because up until recently, I had no idea what I was even applying for.  I know when I'm stressed when my hair starts falling out, and I'm losing a lot of it...

Room N, "as in Nancy"